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In the first class of the Relationship Needs Blueprint course, I asked the question:

Honesty was the most common and highest voted trait.

On some level, I think we know this.

In the class, we did an icebreaker too.

Twenty questions to get a sense of who we are in company with.

With each question, we show our yes, maybe, sometimes, and no with a gesture.

These four questions were revealing.

  • Question 1 – Who finds relationships easy?

There were 24 of us in this course, and there was a distinct absence of yeses.

  • Question 2 – Who is worried about being seen as needy?

Hands shot up.

There were emphatic jazz hands and nodding heads.

  • Question 3 – Who values honesty in relationships?

Once, again the hands rose up.

Yes, we value honesty.

  • Question 4 – Who is honest in their relationships?

And there it was.

The sometimes and the no’s dominated.

We value honesty, and many of us are not honest.

I include myself in this.

Lack of role models and education

In nearly half a century on this earth, I have rarely seen role models where honesty is valued and prioritised.

Most of us are not taught how to communicate honestly.

Many of us struggle to be responsible for our thoughts, feelings, behaviours, words, actions and bodies.

My hunch is that we do not have the language.

There is a lack of language around honesty.

Can we be honest and not make it about the other person?

Will we model behaviours we want to see in others or focus on what the other person is doing wrong?

The game-changer

I first discovered the wonderful one-page Relationship Anarchy Smorgasbord in 2016 when I was dipping my toe into the world of non-monogamy.

The Relationship Anarchy Smorgasbord

The Relationship Anarchy Smorgasbord was originally created by Lyrica Lawrence & Heather Orr of Vancouver Polyamory in December 2016 (v1). Updated by Maxx Hill with the guidance of the Relationship Anarchy, Polyamory, and Solo Polyamory Facebook Groups: April (v2, v3) & September 2018 (v4), & January 2019.

THANK YOU to all the people who created this, continue to develop it and the many people whose lives have benefited from it.

I also read ‘The short instructional manifesto for relationship anarchy‘ by Andie Nordgren and followed a trail that changed my views on relating forever.

If you have the time, I highly recommend you read it. It was an eye-opener for me then and remains a foundational reminder for me now.

The Relational Needs Framework

This framework culminated in working with the Relationship Anarchy Smorgasbord, studying Gender, Sex and Relationship Diversity (GSRD), personal experience of monogamy and non-monogamy, and much more.

Relational Needs Framework

Download your Relational Needs Framework PDF here.

This framework is a weave of aspects I loved, which helped my clients and the missing parts.

I want this to be a foundation, a springboard, a tool for people to gather words and descriptors for the types and styles of relationships that suit them.

Can we play, go deep, have fun, love and feel secure all at the same time?

I vote yes!

Discover your Relationship Needs Blueprint

Circle of green nature and sunset

I am grateful to every person who chose to participate in the first 5-week course.

It was and is an utter joy to dig into this work.

One participant had this to say about their experience:

“Sue’s ‘Relational Needs’ Framework has been a game-changer for me! To be able to see a whole range of needs/ways of relating written down felt permissive, liberating, and expansive. I was able to connect with all different parts of myself with compassion and feel into which needs are the most important for my sustainable health and happiness.”

Another participant wrote this:

“The framework is invaluable, and getting to see it practised by Sue and the crew was awesome. I have shared it with friends. I am planning on doing it with one of my good friends next week and hopefully others to follow. I would love to see a practice group for those of us doing it too. This is such a different way of operating. I could use the encouragement. I highly recommend working through this material!”

I’ve already been asked when I’m running the next one.

If you or someone you know wants to join the waiting list, click the link below:

Join the waiting list for the next live course here. (Potentially October 2021)

Download your Relational Needs Framework PDF

Access the free 1st class of Discover Your Relationship Needs Blueprint

Start the full 5 class Discover Your Relationship Needs Blueprint course ($65.99)


One to one or small group sessions

Are you keen to discover your Relational Needs Blueprint?

I’m now offering this as a package for private sessions with me.

Together we create written on a brick wall

You will receive:

  • 5 x 1-hour Zoom calls with me
  • Access to the course materials on The Feel Forum.
  • A personal workbook for you to keep.

You can opt-in to these too:

  • Private recordings of our 1-hour sessions to keep and watch again.
  • An invite to free monthly group calls for people who have been on the course or had private sessions with me.

The cost is £450.

You may have a friend, lover, companions, or partners with whom you want to do this.

Whether you are solo, in a partnership, a thrupple, you can bring up to two people to join you on this private exploration.

The cost remains the same.

It is £450, regardless of whether it’s one-to-one, you and another or you and two others.

If you want to have these private sessions with me and have questions or need to pay in instalments, let me know.

If we can agree on it, we can do it.

Book your private Discover your Relationship Needs Blueprint sessions here

Other ways to Book

If you want to know more book a 15-minute cup of tea call with me.

If you know you want to book a single session to explore relating and relationships, do it here.

In for more than one session? Have 4 hours at a discount here.

Willing to commit to 10 hours for more in-depth enquiry? Have 10 hours and save £200 here.

Whatever your relationship status, you may find these topics relevant and interesting:

~ Speak your truth

~ Relationship Coaching

~ Non-monogamous Relationship Coaching

~ Kink and BDSM

~ Consent and Boundaries

~ Feel Connected

*Image credit: Healing Hands. Photo by Photo by Ullash Borah on Unsplash