Non-monogamous relationships

When I was growing up it seemed the only option available to me in terms of romantic and sexual relationships was monogamy.

These days I see and hear more people talking about non-monogamy and polyamory. Consequently, there are a growing number of books, podcasts and articles appearing in the mainstream.

What is non-monogamy?

Finding a definition of non-monogamy is tricky.  Non-monogamy means different things to different people.

For most people it means being open to sharing love, sex, intimacy and affection with more than one person. It is not that you have to do all of these.

You can be non-monogamous and have no relationships. You can be non-monogamous and not have sex with anyone.

For many it is a mindset. It is a way of being and therefore the possibilities are almost endless.

Different flavours of non-monogamy

More and more people are embarking on a non-monogamy style marriage.

Some permit non monogamous hook-ups. Others are exploring the world of dating and non-monogamy from a solo perspective.

There is also relationship anarchy, swinging, open relating, hierarchical poly, non-heirarchical poly, monogamish and many other terms being born to describe ways of relating.

Being openly non-monogamous

Having been openly non-monogamous since early 2016 I can confirm it is not an easy path.

I noticed how conditioned most of us are by societal expectations and what is regarded as a healthy relationship, as a result, many people choose to protect their privacy and of those around them.

At times I felt as though it would have been easier to talk about having an affair than it was to be openly interested in multiple people.

I also noticed how often it was assumed that it is something men want and that I, presenting as a woman, am going along with.

You can be non-monogamous and be a couple who are deeply committed to each other.

Non-monogamous relationship coaching

Finding the non-monogamous relating style for you can take time, experience, support, quality communication and perseverance.

There is a whole new vocabulary to learn and it’s constantly evolving. This glossary is a good place to start.

Most people will tell you it is about communication, communication and some more communication.

It’s true. More people, more feelings, more experiences.

Whether you are new to non-monogamy or not, if you would like coaching and support from me, please complete the and we can arrange a free 15 minute call.

Non-monogamy surprising truths

Finally, there are so many myths around non-monogamy, as well as surprising truths.

I did a podcast with Michelle Roberton as a part of Brighton Talks Sex talk on ‘What I love about ethical non-monogamy’ which is available here.

I hope you enjoy it.