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What is consent?

When I ask people the question, ‘What is consent?’, many tell me about non-consensual touch.

There is an association between touch and consent, and it often isn’t a healthy one.

What’s the first thing you think about when you hear the word consent?

Do you notice anything in your body now too?

There is often a bodily reaction.

A relaxing, a tightening.

These reactions can tell us about our relationship to the question.

Can we feel consensual?

Consent is about choice

Every time you make a choice, you are consenting.

Consent requires you to know what you want and what you don’t want

This is where exploration and boundaries come in.

What are boundaries?

 A boundary is when something moves from being ok to not ok.

What’s more, boundaries can change.

What is ok today, might not be ok tomorrow.

Boundaries are personal

It is nerve-racking holding my boundary with people I care about.

It can be alarming and intimidating to people who have not experienced this kind of self-love and compassion.

For that is what it is. Self-love.

Conditioning

Many of us are conditioned to tolerate, endure, remain passive, the phrases:

  • Don’t rock the boat
  • Don’t be too much
  • Don’t make it difficult for other people
  • Don’t be weird
  • Why do you always have to make things so awkward?

…..are often thrown around when somebody tries to speak up for what’s healthy for them.

Consent now

The feedback I get most regularly these days when I establish, honour and respect my boundaries is “fierce and friendly“, “fierce and loving, “clear and kind“, “courageous and wise” “empowered and brave“.

These are often followed by ‘thank you’ and a deepening of connection.

This is where intimacy lives.

Combining consent with Brené Brown’s work on shame has led to my version of ‘hard back, soft front’.

Training

I was fortunate enough in 2017 to participate in a workshop led by Betty Martin on the three-minute game and another just three days later, again led by Betty on the Wheel of Consent.

Since then, I have laced consent into everything that I do and gone on to take professional training and have Betty as a mentor when I need it. I continue working towards becoming a certified Wheel of Consent practitioner.

What I offer

Sessions are tailored for each person, couple, thrupple or group of people I create with.

The most popular requests are:

  • Teach and exploring the Wheel of Consent
  • How to use mouthwards to ask for what you want
  • Learning how to say no, yes or maybe
  • Moving from rules to agreements
  • How to make agreements
  • What to do when you disagree
  • Discovering and creating your boundaries
  • Honouring your boundaries when in a relationship
  • And so much more.

I love this work. It continues to inform and nourish me personally and professionally.

Booking

If you want to know more book a free 15-minute clarity call with me.

If you know you want to book a single session to explore consent and boundaries, do it here.

In for more than one session? Have 4 hours at a discount here.

Whatever you decide, know that consent is an ongoing practice of listening to your inner voice, being aware of your body cues and using your mouth words.

I hope you will join me to learn more.

*Image credit: Coloured candles. Photo by nrd on Unsplash.