I had sexual thoughts as a child. Did you?
When I was a kid, I found my dad’s porno mags and the women had beautiful natural breasts, big bushes and there were photos of half-naked women with their legs spread and stories of why their clothes had fallen off.
I wanted to be them so badly, and yet I couldn’t quite understand how I would get the tits and the hair.
Next, I discovered the lingerie section of the home catalogues my mum had delivered. I wanted to know what the bumps in the men’s pants were. Well, to be more precise, I wanted to see the bumps minus the pants.
Despite not understanding all the different sizes for the women’s bra cups, I had a sense that I wanted to be a DD. More importantly, I wanted to play with the women and loved finding the bra sets where you could see a bit of the nipple.
Sadly, the only people shown back then were men and women. Oh, how I would love to see a modern-day version of that home catalogue showing the wide variety of gender identities and expressions we know, in a gender fuckery style.
I was lucky enough to discover Nancy Friday in my early twenties who wrote amazing books such as Women on Top, My Secret Garden, Men in Love and many more.
These books contained real-life fantasies each categorised into collections in a way I had never seen before. It blew my mind open with the possibilities and yet still took me another two decades to start opening up to others about what I wanted.
These days, I play games in my head when I am travelling and imagine all the filthy, depraved, lustful plans going through the heads of the fellow commuters.
That one over there. The flustered one who’s hair is looking ruffled and has a smile that keeps creeping out. My story is that she has just been on a blind date in a hotel with a couple she met online this morning.
Those two sitting opposite each other. They have spent all afternoon giving each other luscious oral sex, eating each other and can still smell the fluids on their faces. They can’t stop giving each other the look of ‘I want more, and don’t you think for one minute I have finished with you!’
The chances are if I am thinking about the sexual endeavours’ others are doing it too.
Fantasies are welcome
The point is, many of us have or have had fantasies, right?
For some of us, our fantasies may no longer be sexual or erotic; however, we all have an inner world. A hidden world that can be drastically different from the ways we express ourselves and the way others think of us. Many solid and sad reasons for this hide or even betray the life we live in our head.
The more I try to understand myself, the more I discover how much of myself and my desires I have hidden from others and more importantly, from myself. In many cases, I have not felt safe enough to express due to gender expectations and norms. Slut-shaming is alive and well, as is the oppression of those who don’t adhere to the Disney and Hollywood ideas of relationship and those assigned female.
The last decade has been one of remembering, developing and becoming less afraid of being myself. It is a process of aligning the inner and outer worlds and experiencing and vocalising things I’d only ever dreamt of.
We often need obstacles to keep it hot.
When it comes to fantasies, it’s worth bearing in mind the erotic equation. Jack Morin’s book “The Erotic Mind” states the erotic equation as:
attraction + obstacles = excitement
On some level, I suspect we all know that there are times that we want what we can’t easily get. Having the restriction or a taboo element can make it more thrilling.
Lust matters too
Morin goes on to say, “the nature of lust is to objectify” and “lust focuses exclusively on turn-ons and screens out everything else”.
The parts of ourselves that remain hidden are often the parts of ourselves that we deny. For a variety of reasons, some parts we deem to be unacceptable. We may decide it’s safer to keep them secret. Sometimes they become what Jung called ‘the shadow’.
My experience of this both personally and professionally is that the shadow thoughts leak out in a variety of ways. When left unattended, they can often fade or get bigger and darker and more desperate.
Bringing it to life
What if we were able even to name the things that we think about? It is scary and vulnerable to even think about. I do this creatively through writing, drawing, and dancing, to name a few. I’ve also shared some of my desires over the years and turned some of my fantasies into reality.
Why this now?
This Fantasy section is a continuation of my personal and collective journey of discovery. It is for finding like-minded people and maybe, just maybe, helping some people feel less alone. I am in deep awe of the incredibly brave people who contact me to explore areas they rarely have, and in some cases never, shared with another human being. It is a privilege and an honour to hear these stories, fantasies and truths. It makes me braver too.
I have written the fantasies you read in this section unless they say otherwise.
I’ve always wanted to write erotic fiction, and thankfully elements of these fantasies have been experienced in real life, and for that, I’m profoundly grateful.
There is also an audio version to accompany each fantasy for those who want to hear it rather than read it.
Ways to get involved
In some of the fantasies, there are potentially some requests. I have this idea, and it’s a hope that these fantasies will encourage other people to share their imaginations too.
I love the idea of people writing fantasies or wanting someone to write a fantasy around some elements and experiencing them read by others and those readers rediscovering parts of themselves again within them.
There may be some people who want to write fantasy and bring it to life. If that is you, please get in touch. If we can agree it, we can do it. Will the fantasy become a reality?
Keeping fantasies as fantasies
It’s also worth saying that sometimes fantasies are meant to stay as fantasies.
I’ve experienced a situation where reality ruined the fantasy for me. I also like some things I think to be between me and me. In other words, I don’t want anybody to know!
The point I’m trying to make here is it’s all welcome.
Please let me know if you like the fantasies I’m sharing and what you might want to see more of.